Wednesday, May 16, 2012

a very personal story.

All the hoopla about the extended breastfeeding picture compelled me to share my story.

I have 2 sisters and a brother. they were both extended breastfed - some longer than others. They were all born after I turned eight, so there was a lot of breastfeeding going around me. It was simply natural. My sisters and brother looked happy and comforted in my mother's arms. they bedshared and we eventually bedshared in our 2 bedroom condo (lets just add we can all sleep by ourselves in the dark LOL)

when I was 14 years old I was sexually abused. I remember the feeling of shame, embarrassment, guilt, anger and hate towards who did it like it was yesterday. I even tried to commit suicide once by putting 5 morphine patches on my thigh hoping I'd fall asleep and never wake up. All it did was make me sick and I stayed home the next day.

Now fast forward 15 years. I am 30. I am tandem nursing a 3 year old and a 6 month old. to me, its normal. I grew up with it. My son smiles when I hold him close. His sister smiles at HIM mostly (haha). I see my son smile at his sister as they share cuddles with mom. sometimes he holds hands, sometimes he strokes her hair. I stroke their hair. my son tells me mom, dad, boboobs, and sister make him happy (in that order - but ice cream and candy doesn't, HA!). everything is alright in their world when they nurse.

nothing was right on the day I was molested.

so when I read things like 'you're molesting your child if you are extend breastfeeding', I'm honestly more confused than shocked. I know exactly what both of these things feel like. My brother and sisters never felt shame, anger, or guilt. none of those things. they never felt violated. they never felt like they had to commit suicide. If extended breastfeeding made my children feel that way of course I wouldn't do it - but when I see my son when he nurses, he is happy. in his confusing world (we are military and my husband deployed twice already in his 3 year life, as well as gained a sister, moved five times, lived in a hotel for a month at a time), his constant has been mama and boboob. When I nurse him and contribute to his comfort from his confusing world, I am glad I am there for him.

When I started nursing I never thought I would be 'that mom'. honestly, I don't think any mom does. Now I am 'that mom'. I know people are entitled to their opinion - but not ignorance! "extended nursing isn't for me, nor do I feel like is right for a mom to nurse past X year" (opinion) is clearly different from "nursing a three year old? that is clearly child molestation!" (ignorance) equating two things you clearly have no clue about and telling me who I am. I'm not saying that everyone should extend breastfeed. I don't even mind if you don't - or won't nurse. its your decision. It is also my choice to nurse my three year old because its NOT child molestation.

I know what that feels like and it definitely isn't this.

16 comments:

  1. thank you for sharing your story.

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  2. thank you for sharing that mollie. so many people are completely talking out of their arsehole when they say that. <3 to you.

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  3. annnnndddd i found another AWESOME breastfeeding mom (we should be giving out awesome breastfeeding mom points, lol). you are strong and amazing and blessed beyond words. thank you for your story.

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  4. Thank you for sharing your story!!!

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  5. Thank you. You are doing an awesome job! We are also military, and I know nursing helped my little ones cope with change too.

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  6. Thank you for sharing hun, my 2nd youngest son self weaned last month at 4 years 1 month x

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  7. Thank you for sharing your story. I know it takes a lot of courage to speak about sexual abuse. A FB friend commented "child abuse" about the TIME cover. I was SO upset and spent a lot of time trying debate the issue. I lost a lot of sleep about it ruminating about her comment. I think I know why now.

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  8. What a wonderful thing to share. I'm so sorry for your experience as a young girl. It makes me angry to read the ridiculous comments coming from men AND women over extended breastfeeding. What a ridiculous society we live in where something so natural has become something we must fight for and defend. I was sad to see my daughter self wean at 20 months... I would have loved to continue as the bonding we shared and the comfort it gave her was irreplacable. But she would tell me 'no milk, time for bed' and hop into bed happily and it was just time. I cannot wait to begin breastfeeding #2 in June and will allow all of my children to decide when they cease to breastfeed, not me and DEFINITELY not society!

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  9. This post has left me speechless. You are such a strong woman and an incredible mama! It absolutely sickens me when I hear people compare extended breastfeeding to sexual abuse and this is exactly why I get that visceral reaction. Thank you for sharing your story.

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  10. Thanks for sharing your very personal story. I totally agree with you. Amazing that you were able to breastfeed after sexual abuse - that is often very hard.

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  11. Thank you for sharing your story- I can't imagine it is easy. You are one amazing mama!

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  12. You are so very right Mollie. I can't see how someone could equate nourishment with sexual violence and it's very sad that those wires could be crossed in someone's minds. I was accused of that with Scott (who weaned younger than Mimi, yet I was never accused of it with her ????) and I never could even formulate a response.

    Hugs!

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  13. Thank you, ignorance is a dangerous thing, the sooner we help rid ignorance from life the better, it was very brave of you to share your experiences and thank you again for that

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  14. Thank you so much for shining some light on this. I was molested at about the same age as you and struggled with it for many years, combined with severe depression and several suicide attempts, which led to a stay in an adolescent psychiatric hospital. Today I am 33, very happily married, and have 3 girls aged 2.5-8, all of whom were ext.-BF. Hearing those terrible comments about abuse and child molestation was what I expected based on past experience, but it still baffles me. Anyone who says that clearly doesn't comprehend what sexual abuse is - it is most certainly NOT providing love, comfort, and nourishment to your child, which is what BF does. I'm so glad that you shared your story and that you've found happiness and fulfillment in your life despite past events. Blessings to you and your precious family!

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  15. Thanks for sharing your story!

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